


News

by AphoticAmaranth



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 02:25:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16358906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AphoticAmaranth/pseuds/AphoticAmaranth
Summary: Monika tries to explain the proper usage of the word 'news'.





	News

Yuri was in her usual seat at the back of the Literature Club, reading her book and drinking tea while waiting for the others to arrive. She was interrupted by Monika barging into the clubroom.

“Hi, Yuri! Have you heard the news? The price of tea has increased! Here's Monika’s writing tip of the day: To save money on beverages, drink coffee instead of tea!”

“Monika, the price of _everything_ has increased. That's inflation, which occurs because the world is full of horr-”

“Good morning!” Sayori exclaims as she walks into the clubroom, interrupting Yuri. “Big news, big news! Today I made eggs and toast for breakfast! And I didn't burn down my house!”

“You almost did, Sayori…” MC mutters as he follows behind her.

“That's not how you use the word ‘news’, Sayori…” Monika says sternly. “News is meant to be-”

Monika is interrupted by a resounding thud as the door swings open to reveal Natsuki. Several trays of cupcakes are in her hands, and she is trying to kick the door open. “Jeez…! This is so inconvenient!”

“Natsuki, please show some decency…” Yuri mumbles, almost inaudibly.

MC tries to hold the door open for Natsuki, but she scowls at him. “You think I'm too weak to open the door or something? Just watch me!” She yells, while struggling. A gust of wind almost slams the door into her, but she barely stops it with her foot. “What are you doing? Can you at least hold the door?”

“Who was it that told me not to help…? Yeah, yeah… I got you.” MC holds the door open while turning his face away.

“Hurry up and take these trays of cupcakes!”

“But then I'd have to let go of the door!”

“That's fine…! Just for a second!”

“Alright…! Let me just stand up.”

“What do you mean, ‘stand up’?” Natsuki looks at down at MC. “Why are you all the way back- E-Eh…?” Natsuki had a sudden epiphany. “What are you looking at! You're trying to look at my… m-my…”

“Breaking news: MC IS A PERV!” Natsuki shouts, as she runs through the door and slams her cupcakes onto a nearby table. “In other news, I made cupcakes!”

“That's not news…” Monika sighs, exasperated.

“C-C-Cupcakes are news!”

“Okay, you four! I have an announcement to make, so if everyone could come sit at the front…”

“Hold on!” Natsuki interjects. “Is it just me, or did you say something new just now?”

“That's right, you used a new catchphrase when addressing the club…” Yuri adds.

“Anyway! Please stop abusing the word ‘news’ for nonsense!” Monika continues. “‘News’ should be- Sayori, what the fuck?”

“I've got a news!” Sayori cheerfully exclaims, while standing and swinging a noose around. “Howdy, partners!”

“That's a noose, and please don't do anything rash with that…” Yuri says nervously.

“As I was saying, the word ‘news’ should be used for-” Monika tries to continue her speech, but an announcement from the PA system interrupts her.

“Attention please, attention please. Breaking news: School will be cancelled until further notice due to heavy snow.”

Monika smiles sadly.

“I think what Monika means is that we should use other synonyms, such as ‘report’, ‘announcement’, ‘story’, ‘article’, ‘headlines’, ‘discussion’, ‘meta’, ‘fun’, ‘OC Fanart’...” Yuri drones on. “Wait… Where is everyone?”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a reference to an n̶e̶w̶s̶ announcement on r/DDLC which asked users to stop using the 'news' flair for shitposts. ‘Discussion’, ‘meta’, ‘fun’, and ‘OC Fanart’ are some of the other flairs on that subreddit.


End file.
